Sorry

Yesterday I posted the words.."Life sucks" to my YIM. It was truly a bad day carried over from the night before. I'm not going to bore everyone with the details of what happened, I will just say that I am a hopeless romantic, who for 38 years has been looking for a smidgeon of Ozzie and Harriet, June and Ward, you get the idea...while I have been married to a basically good man....no drinking, no gambling, no smoking, no chasing other women..works very hard and even refs, and umpires for extra money....he just doesn't get it....

When things go wrong, I somehow am usually the one to blame until he finds out otherwise and then of course there is no apology. I guess what I am saying is that in all other aspects of our life he is right on it. But for some reason when it comes to me he just can't seem to be kind. Oh he has never missed a birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, you get the idea. And I have not been the perfect wife. Early on I succeeded in getting us into a financial crisis, you know..robbing Peter to pay Paul , but that was years ago and I think it is time to let it go..not keep throwing something in my face for ever. He handles the money which is just fine with me..I don't want to handle it. I work so I see to it that I have what I want as far as being able to buy things. It's not a dictatorship..

It's just that when ever anything happens adversely I have to hear all over again how trifling I am and that is just not getting it any more...so yesterday after an incident with the garage door in a severe wind storm, I had basically had enough and I think just about everyone in Clark County heard me...then of course I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and it really took it's toll. Hence me posting .."Life sucks!" It did and to a degree it still does..

Having married at 17 five days after graduation I have only held minimum wage jobs and the current job I have....I am making a mere $8 an hour to do what I do and I have made that for three years with no raise..and I will not get a raise ever unless minimum wage passes me by which it should here relatively soon. I could work for the state and make $16 an hour but I would be responsible for my taxes and everything and I would have to give up my current clients whom I love very much. So it's not an easy decision to make. Not to mention the facts that I have had a heart stint and another heart catherization and I am type 2 diabetic....

I'm tired, I'm overweight, my self esteem is in the toilet and I feel like I am drowning. I have another health issue that has me concerned right now and I need to have it looked into..so you see ..for me right now..Life does indeed suck" BUT I am a survivor so I need to get a grip and start dealing with it. Soon Spring will be here and I will feel a WHOLE lot better. I definitely am NOT a winter girl..

I am sorry if I worried some of you which is obvious I did because of the responses to those two words but I just didn't feel like being on last night. I love you all and you have no idea how much it means to me to have you in my corner. Please do not respond to this. Just let it be a sounding board for me to let you all know that I am OK and that I appreciate you more than words could convey.

I am going to be watching the Eli-boy tonight and that should put a smile on my face and then once I am off work on Saturday I am going to be scrapping and then I will have something fun to post here.